Nothing is foolproof to a sufficiently talented fool.

Thursday, August 25, 2005

Hartford Wolf Pack unveil sucky new slogan

Bread: The Edible Napkin What a pile of crap, eh?

I'm picturing all of the marketing people going out to dinner together to develop the new slogan, and not being able to come up with anything. By the end of the night, they all end up at an adult video store, and one of them says, "Fuck it! Let's just steal the slogan from this place! Who's gonna know?" Either that, or they drove past a PJ O'Pootertoots.

So far, there hasn't been an official press release or announcement to introduce the new slogan; it just all of a sudden popped up on the Wolf Pack web site this afternoon. I presume there's going to be a theme song to go along with it, because that's how those marketing geniuses get us to come back year after year. The year after they won the Calder Cup the slogan was "Take Us Higher", accompanied by that annoying Creed song. Another year it was "Right Here, Right Now" to the tune of Van Hagar's "Right Now"; then the following year's slogan was paired with Bon Jovi's "Raise Your Hands". Wait, don't put your coat on to run out and buy your tickets just yet-- it gets even better! Last year's slogan was "These Are The Moments". Ooooooo, cheesy.

'Do you have any artificial plates or limbs?' 'Er, not really.' Paul Lukas is now pissing himself

That was horrid enough by itself, until I found out that "These Are The Moments" was a song by some dipshit band, The Calling (try to imagine an even more boring Switchfoot, only without hanging yourself), meaning they would be playing this song at every home game all season. Eventually the guy in charge of pushing the "play" button in the control room out of sheer agony slashed his wrists, so they switched to some friggin' U2 song ("Elevation" or "Vertigo" or one of the two dozen other U2 songs that sound just like them)... although they kept the highlight video the same. The video would be cued up to flash "These.. Are.. The.. Moments.." during the chorus of the song, only U2 would be playing over the speakers. So, it was kinda like one of those "we're a touring band" videos that dopes like Motley Crue and Jimmy Eat World put together when they've run out of ideas-- just random footage of the singer talking on the phone or the drummer twirling his sticks, having no relation to the song whatsoever. Actually, it wasn't at all like that, I just made that up.


Anonymous Anonymous said...

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8/26/05, 9:17 PM

Anonymous Gerard said...

the only slogan I can imagine that could possibly be worse is : "Because It's Hartford. What Else Are You Gonna Do?"

Doesn't exactly roll off the tongue.

8/26/05, 10:02 PM

Blogger Brushback said...

Beats the hell out of "search engine information marketing niche", though.

8/26/05, 10:17 PM

Anonymous phil said...

what's worse is that people still fall for these stupid slogans.

and the new switchfoot album is, surprisingly, unexpectedly, far from boring.

2/12/07, 7:39 PM

Blogger Brushback said...

That, I cannot believe.

2/12/07, 10:18 PM


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