Nothing is foolproof to a sufficiently talented fool.

Saturday, July 29, 2006

Old Fart Told To Stay The F*ck Outta Moscow

I know I shouldn't eat these, but they're available for a limited time only

In a fit of good taste that has restored my faith in totalitarian government, the Kremlin has forced Eric Clapton, the guitarist who has done more to ruin modern music than possibly any other man alive, to cancel an upcoming concert in Red Square.

The Russian promoter of the concert, Evgeny Safronov, had received the necessary permit on Thursday but-- in a change of heart-- officials withdrew the permit yesterday. Chances are good that in the meantime they had listened to one of Clapton's albums, and realized just how excrutiatingly bad he is.

Clapton's crimes against music include, but are not limited to, A) The 60's hippie band Cream, whose pretentious fake "musicianship" popularized the endless 10-minute "jam" song, complete with frivolous guitar wankery; B) His cover of Bob Marley's "I Shot The Sherrif", which brought reggae to AM radio, thereby ruining it forever; C) His latter-day solo work, which incorporated any number of watered-down, tepid musical styles and brought legitimacy to lameness and commercialism, spawning the re-birth of left-for-dead losers like Phil Collins, Steve Winwood, and (God forbid) maybe even the Eagles, among others.

It involves typing with your thumbs, which I just don't approve of
From engrish.com

The cancellation will mean refunds to ticket-buyers of up to $370 per ticket, which should be plenty to provide a needed boost to the Russian economy and may even be enough to buy a car (or rent Zenon Konopka's for a month or two), who knows. All those who are upset by the sudden cancellation are advised to buy a Teengenerate or Lightning Bolt CD, for chrissakes, and get over it.

14 Comments:

Blogger gsdgsd13 said...

That may be the best thing ever to appear on any blog, anywhere.

7/29/06, 3:55 PM

 
Anonymous g12 said...

This from the guy with 99 cent cd empire....by the way i see bowling for soup is burning new paths in music umm yea right.

7/29/06, 8:29 PM

 
Blogger Ingmar "W" Bergman said...

Hilarious! There is hope for mankind!

7/29/06, 9:05 PM

 
Anonymous obscure, anonymous, who cares they existed band member said...

Let's have a review on these bands and their lead guitarists:

24-7 Spyz
Black Happy
Tin Machine
I Mother Earth
Death Angel
Second Coming
Deus

Oh, do these bands actually exist?

7/29/06, 11:17 PM

 
Blogger Brushback said...

Even though I recognize only a few of the band names on that list, I feel pretty confident that none of their guitar players are any better than the ones in Deicide or Morbid Angel, so there's no point in discussing them.

What'd you do, Google "Eric Clapton tickets" and end up here by accident?

7/29/06, 11:35 PM

 
Anonymous g12 said...

No i punched in obscure shitty bands and it brought me here.
And Reeves Gabrels is probley a better guitarist than any one you could come up with.
Besides brainiac the last two thinking mans bands split up years ago meaning Devo and Talking Heads.
Everything else has been done and redone many times over there is no new music only rehashed crumbs left from the 60's 70's and part of the 80's.
Morbid who? decidedly shit.

7/30/06, 12:31 AM

 
Anonymous pack attack said...

Wow.

Things got harsh around here. I suspect there are some tears in heaven. I think someone needs to put a Badge on and take charge but then again a sheriff might get shot in here.

Just remember that After Midnight you can not say you look wonderful tonight because technically it is the morning.

7/30/06, 6:57 AM

 
Blogger Brushback said...

I'm a motherless child-- I don't know right from wrong!

7/30/06, 10:38 AM

 
Anonymous mrs. brushback said...

Wow, Dear! All those times you must have been holding your tongue when I say how great Clapton is! First time you've held your tongue about anything. In fact, you're much like g12 in that regard.

P.S. This shit is too funny!

7/31/06, 11:54 AM

 
Blogger Brushback said...

Whoops!-- I don't ever remember you saying that Clapton was great. As if I wasn't in enough trouble already for making fun of Morrissey...

7/31/06, 2:23 PM

 
Anonymous G12 said...

Brush i'll back you on Morrissey as much as i try i don't get it.
And he only had one good song with the Smiths

7/31/06, 5:20 PM

 
Blogger Ingmar "W" Bergman said...

Even though I recognize only a few of the band names on that list, I feel pretty confident that none of their guitar players are any better than the ones in Deicide or Morbid Angel, so there's no point in discussing them.

There aren't enough Morbid Angel and Deicide references in the world of hockey-blogging.

Without sounding like an old fart who lies about being everywhere and doing everything to his snooker buddies, but I was at a Deicide concert in Stockholm when they discovered that "bomb" backstage.

Definitely one of my biggest musical disappointments in life up until that moment. (More so because we were underage and got in to the concert anyway. All that lying for four songs? Instant Karma I guess...)

8/14/06, 4:55 PM

 
Anonymous JJ said...

Someone has some issues with Clapton, I see. Oh well, I guess you need to trash a talented and respected musician in order to make yourself feel better or superior. Does someone maybe have self-esteem issues?

9/2/06, 3:17 PM

 
Blogger Brushback said...

Your home-schooled psychology gibberish is way off the mark, JJ, but thanks for stopping by anyway.

9/2/06, 5:46 PM

 

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