Nothing is foolproof to a sufficiently talented fool.

Tuesday, August 15, 2006

The Sideshow Of Made-Up Stuff

At the risk of becoming All Malkin, All Of The Time, some of today's stories are just too good to pass up. What was once more of an actual, gripping news event has almost overnight disintegrated into a Circus of Made-Up Stuff, and if you're into this kind of entertainment, you probably couldn't be happier.

A report in Sport Express has Malkin in Toronto-- where his North American representation, JP Barry, has an office-- with Alexander Ovechkin's agent, Don Meehan, confirming that Ovechkin is now in Toronto himself, "although the two have never met." Well, that's rude, goddamnit-- someone get around to doing the introductions!

Russian Hockey Digest has a tersely-worded article saying that Malkin has phoned his family to tell them he is safe, with mom saying to son, "Don't do anything I wouldn't do!" She also told him stay away, you'll never know what you'll catch.

In an interview with Soviet Sport, Gennady Velichkin sounds really pissed, saying, "Perhaps it is not clear to you that Evgeni flew to America at the invitation of people from overseas? The inpudence of the Americans knows no bounds. This is the crime of the century! They don't care that Malkin belongs in Russia. He is very much the pride of our team, our city, and the entire country. But the Americans contemptuously stole our player.

"We must condemn not only Pittsburgh, but also the entire NHL for its great arrogance. The NHL must be censured by the entire world of sport."

By contrast, the NHL's Bill Daly sounds almost conciliatory in his own interview in Sport Express, saying, "It is necessary that we sit down and discuss this problem, to prevent the same thing from happening again. It's even possible in this case to raise the question of (retroactive) compensation for those Russian players who have left for the NHL in the past, as well as present."

Good one, Bill-- you've got a real knee-slapper, there...

The Pittsburgh Post-Gazette wraps up all of today's news in one tidy bundle, in an excellent article written by Chuck Finder-- and who better to write about a missing person than Chuck Finder, anyway? Except for maybe Fargo North, Decoder.

To finish things off on an "up" note: thanks to a tip on one of the Hockey's Future message boards, I found this little item from the funny folks at

Also by way of the HF boards, and the fan forum of the team web site as well, comes this set of images from

If Malkin ever gets found, I think the Pro Gamer guys are gonna be in line for one of those Nobel Peace Prizes, or the Pulitzer Prize, or something like that..


Blogger gsdgsd13 said...

Those posters are brilliant. Who knew it took Malkin to inspire this kind of creativity?

8/16/06, 12:12 PM

Blogger Brushback said...

Malkin's getting to be a legend now, like Bigfoot or the Loch Ness Monster.

You've got people saying that they've spotted "a man who looks like Malkin" in Toronto, with others offering money for anyone who comes up with a photo. You've got a Finnish TV station saying that Malkin was spotted boarding a plane bound for New York City (even though his visa was for Canada).

I should've asked Ingmar to come up with a picture of Bigfoot, superimposing Malkin's head on it. Or, since Ingmar's been all about "Snakes On A Plane" lately, he could do "Malkin On A Plane"!

8/16/06, 12:35 PM

Anonymous pack attack said...

I've tried my own mock movie poster.

8/17/06, 2:14 PM

Blogger Brushback said...

The Hunt For The Former Red By October... Not bad, PA!

Actually, this one almost made me laugh out loud, but it's actually almost sad, so I didn't use it.

8/17/06, 8:48 PM


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