Nothing is foolproof to a sufficiently talented fool.

Tuesday, October 10, 2006

That Dumb-Ass Sweater Isn't Getting Any Better

Click to see back of jersey
Peoria Rivermen (ECHL) Colin Hemingway '04-'05
"Disco Night" jersey

(Exclusive Pro Sports-- click image to see back)

Since my first ugly jersey post from a couple of weeks ago, I've managed to find enough god-awful jerseys-- through people who left comments, or from message boards that linked here, or just from looking around in general-- to make a whole new post.

The first time around I was able to stick with mostly good-quality still photos taken from various jersey collectors' "community" photo galleries, but this time I'm mixing in some live-action (and other random) photos as well. A good many of these were taken from and Again, this is barely scratching the surface of what's out there, so look around, who knows what sort of ugly jerseys you might find...

San Antonio Iguanas (CHL) Halloween Mike Peat '99-'00 jersey

Border City Bandits (CHL) Francis Boulay '00-'01 jersey

Phoenix Roadrunners (IHL) '95-'96 warm-up jersey

Memphis RiverKings (CHL) Jeremy Goetzinger '00-'01 jersey

Richmond Renegades (ECHL) Darren Wetherill '99-'00 jersey

San Francisco Spiders (IHL) '96-'97 warm-up jersey

Here's the "exploding chicken" jerseys that a commenter pointed out in the first post...

Portland Winter Hawks (WHL) '00-'01 25th Anniversary Saturday jersey
Vaughn Street Sports

This is a photo of a "tuxedo" jersey that I found on a message board-- I don't know what team it is:

Tuxedo jersey

Youngstown SteelHounds (CHL) Jean-Francois Labarre '05-'06
St. Patrick's Day jersey

San Antonio Iguanas Scott Green '98-'99 alternate jersey

I think this one's hysterical...

Rio Grande Valley Killer Bees (CHL) '05-'06
"Episode III: Revenge of the Bees" Star Wars jersey


Salt Lake Golden Eagles (IHL) Joe Day '93-'94 jersey
Ziggy Palffy played on this team!

Austin Ice Bats (WPHL) Ken Ruddick '97-'98 jersey

Topeka Scarecrows (CHL) John McCabe '00-'01 alternate jersey
Hot toe-picker!

Tulsa Oilers (CHL) Chris Smith '96-'97 jersey

Austin Ice Bats (WPHL) '97-'98 "Patriotic" jersey
Worn during a special series against the Russians

Quad City Mallards (UHL) warm-up jersey

Orlando Seals (WHA2) Christmas jersey

Laredo Bucks (CHL) Halloween jersey

Laredo Bucks (CHL) '04-'05 New Year's Eve jersey
( still on sale!)

Greg from The Post-Pessimist Association first pointed this one out to me-- last I knew, it was still available on e-Bay...

Spokane Chiefs (WHL) Doug Auchenberg '03-'04
"Armed Forces" jersey

Here it is: a photo of the actual jersey (not just a graphic) that the St. Louis Blues were going to wear as an alternate jersey in '95-'96...

Click to enlarge
St. Louis Blues (NHL) '95-'96 "banned" alternate jersey

Finally, the coup de grâce-- this gets my vote for the stupidest-looking hockey jersey ever. I think this jersey has been posted on every message board known to man.

Quad City Mallards (UHL) '04-'05 "Western" jersey

You got one that's worse?


Anonymous mrs. brushback said...

Once again, I love the tuxedo jersey. It's even better on a goalie!

10/11/06, 10:22 AM

Blogger Brushback said...

No, sir-- I don't like it!

10/11/06, 1:47 PM

Anonymous alanah said...

That Mallards jersey may have been posted on every message board known to man, but I've never seen it. And I wish you hadn't brought it to my attention.

Roenick would've loved the Disco jersey, obviously. Personally, I'd shell out money first for the Tulsa Oilers jersey. There's something very George Orwell about it. And the St. Louis Blues alternate is AWESOME.

10/11/06, 2:04 PM

Anonymous mrs. brushback said...

That Tulsa Oilers jersey makes my eyes go screwy. Hmmmm...bad jersey or brilliant strategy?

10/11/06, 3:57 PM

Blogger gsdgsd13 said...

Old-school ugly--

third one down, Dayton Gems. The Houston Astros effect!

10/11/06, 5:11 PM

Blogger Brushback said...

That site is a treasure-trove of ugly jerseys!

I have a few old Russian jerseys that look similar to that Dayton Gems one-- coarse, flimsy mesh with a screen-printed design on them.

Go even further down the page and check out the Cincinnati Cyclones "Halloween" jersey--

or this, the San Francisco Spiders tie-die jersey:

Spiders front

Spiders back

I'm surprised to see any support for the St. Louis Blues jersey. It's not just the horns (and the New Orleans Brass tried that, too); the sleeves are terrible. Just picture in your mind the team skating around the ice with those jerseys on. That's a headache!

10/11/06, 8:27 PM

Blogger gsdgsd13 said...

Bear in mind Alanah is a Canucks fan and is thus warped by years of strange jerseys.

Once again, I LIKE the Rio Grande Valley jersey. They're weird but kinda fun.

Those Quad City things, I agree, are mind-destroying.

10/11/06, 9:01 PM

Blogger Brushback said...

...a Canucks fan and is thus warped by years of strange jerseys


Though (unlike most people) I actually liked the so-called "Orca" jerseys. And, also unlike most people, I think the Canucks' "Skate" jersey is one of the worst jerseys ever... worse than the Duraflame Log "V" jerseys, even.

10/11/06, 9:37 PM

Blogger gsdgsd13 said...

I dunno -- looking at this photo, it's hard to imagine anything on earth worse than those "V" jerseys.

10/11/06, 10:19 PM

Blogger Brushback said...

Wow-- Stan Smyl and Gerard Depardieu, separated at birth.

Who knew?

10/11/06, 10:55 PM

Anonymous alanah said...

Christ. As soon as I leave a room, I start getting insulted. (That skate jersey is awesome. Sheesh.)

Mrs Brushback -- I'm thinking the answer to your question is "bad jersey". The strategy side of it can only go wrong. Before you know it, Tulsa boys are accidentally making passes to the ref. Or simply going blind trying to look at their teammates.

But still, there is something to be admired about creating something so poorly conceived.

10/11/06, 11:08 PM

Blogger Brushback said...

I don't know-- if they're making passes at the ref and peeking at their teammates, I'd start to wonder about them.

10/11/06, 11:10 PM

Anonymous alanah said...

Holy hell. Just checked those links and Stan Smyl really IS Gerard Depardieu. Freaky.

10/11/06, 11:11 PM

Anonymous alanah said...

"I don't know-- if they're making passes at the ref and peeking at their teammates, I'd start to wonder about them."

Oh man... I stared at that for 5 minutes before I got it.

I drink too much.

10/11/06, 11:13 PM

Anonymous quint said...

I find these uniforms very interesting. Tackey as most of them are -- they are still a slice of hockey history -- actually something fairly unique to hockey. The Icebats uniforms are interesting and attracted my attention since I heard that this is the new team of former Pack blueliner -- Terry Virtue. It would be interesting to know what KOVALCHUK's girlfriend thinks of all these funky jerseys.

10/12/06, 12:16 AM

Blogger Brushback said...

The Ice Bat on the front actually kind of looks like Terry, in a way.

10/12/06, 2:22 PM

Blogger Brushback said...

Speaking of "Theresa", here's a photo of him in a Wheeling Nailers jersey that, while not necessarily ugly, still looks pretty dumb:

Nailers "Pittsburgh" jersey

10/12/06, 9:31 PM

Anonymous mrs. brushback said...

quint sure talks like a Manchester Monarchs fan. I suggest he get no closer to New Hampshire than, say, Worcester, MA and surrounding areas.

10/13/06, 1:40 PM

Blogger Brushback said...

Quint a Monarchs fan? There is no greater shame! (Outside of being "GWhale", of course)

10/14/06, 4:22 PM

Anonymous Anonymous said...

Those Mallards players look like they KNOW people are laughing at them. I'm actually sitting here feeling bad for those guys and I haven't a clue who they are.

10/31/06, 4:04 PM

Anonymous Kevin said...

those tuxedo jerseys are actually roller hockey jerseys from the "Mission Militia" organization that has teams from 8u to PRO

4/25/07, 5:50 PM

Blogger Brushback said...

You're right, and it wasn't until a month or so after I posted the photo that I saw a full-sized version of the photo on a message board, and I could see the roller skates on the players' feet.

Almost all roller hockey jerseys are screwy-looking, but the tuxedo one is still fun to look at.

4/25/07, 8:39 PM

Anonymous Anonymous said...

The Grand Rapids Griffins have used tuxedo jerseys before. Ugly as sin. But then again, I apparently have no right to say anything cause I'm from Milwaukee >.< And you're missing the Ads tropical jerseys from this season on that list of terrible sweaters

6/28/07, 11:49 PM


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