Nothing is foolproof to a sufficiently talented fool.

Wednesday, December 06, 2006

Heart of Darkness

Click on image to see back of jersey
Richmond Renegades (ECHL) '00-'01 Ryan Van Buskirk
St. Valentine's Day jersey

(Collector: stolidog1960-- click image to see back)

What you see here is something not of the ordinary, but the end product of an evil secret formula: taking an everyday hockey jersey and adding in a whole bunch of icky bad stuff (hippies, trick-or-treaters, disco, the State of Hawaii, Christmas, crap like that) in order to create a mutant strain known as the "one-game wonder" specialty jersey. Looking closely, you can actually see the jersey trying to fight off the malevolent virus that has taken over its very being, in a constant, heroic battle between good and evil. No, really, look.

In any case, here's another bunch of one-game wonder (and other) jerseys, picking up from the first two "ugly jersey" posts (Would You Wear This Jersey? and That Dumb-Ass Sweater Isn't Getting Any Better). I have still more "ugly jersey" photos stashed away besides the ones you see here, enough for at least another post or two, so if ugly isn't really your thing then try to stay away from any Don Mossi baseball cards, please.

Might as well start things off with a couple of really, really bad ones:



Syracuse Crunch (AHL) '980'99 Marcus Gustafsson
alternate jersey

(Collector: woody_6)




Las Vegas Wranglers (ECHL) '04-'05 Darren Lynch "Elvis" jersey
(Collector: made2bworn.com)


Actually, the St. Valentine's Day Renegades jersey shown at the top looks practically elegant compared to some of the other bleeding eyesores the team has come up with:



Richmond Renegades '99-'00 Dennis Bassett "Spring" jersey
(Collector: stolidog1960)




Richmond Renegades '99-'00 Dan Vandermeer Halloween jersey
(Collector: stolidog1960)




Richmond Renegades '99-'00 Joe Vandermeer Christmas jersey
(Collector: stolidog1960-- My God, man!)



Adirondack IceHawks (UHL) '99-'00 Francois Sasseville
Christmas jersey

(Collector: treblecharger133)


This one actually isn't all that bad, except for the confetti stripe across the front:


Adirondack IceHawks '00-'01 Bryan Duce New Year's jersey
(Collector: treblecharger133)


I've already said that European jerseys are off-limits, since they're so universally weird-looking that the list would never end. However, this one deserves special mention, because it features Bill The Cat:


Revier Loewen Oberhausen (Germany) Alexandrs Kercs jersey
(Collector: mcmetzen)


Ack!


One more European jersey-- a ref's jersey, too, for good measure, meaning it deserves your scorn:


Swiss NLA "Nationalliga A" linesman's jersey
(Collector: gopher_88)



Memphis RiverKings (CHL) Brad Mueller Christmas jersey
(Found on e-Bay)




Jacksonville Lizard Kings (ECHL) '95-'96 Todd Reirden jersey
(Collector: skedcentral.com)


Pity poor Lexington, Kentucky: first, their AHL team skips town; then they get an ECHL team that closes up shop after one season... plus, to top it all off, when the ECHL team was still around, they hit the ice wearing jerseys that looked like this:


Lexington Men O'War (ECHL) '02-'03 Joe Vandermeer jersey
(Collector: richmondrg)
There's something about that logo that seems really familiar...

King Diamond - rawk!
Yes-- that's it!





Jacksonville Lizard Kings '97-'98 Matt Mullin Halloween jersey
(Collector: schurla27)


I've been subject to a small amount of ribbing for saying that I like the Vancouver Canucks' Duraflame Log "V" jersey better than their "Skates" one... what I have to say to that is, try telling me this jersey doesn't look like a freakin' migraine headache:



Vancouver Canucks (NHL) '96-'97 Alexander Mogilny alternate jersey
(Collector: aubohk)


In the previous "ugly jersey" post, I included some photos of the "exploding chicken" jerseys that the Portland Winter Hawks wore one season-- although the photos were grainy still shots taken from a video. Since then, the owner of the web site that I lifted the photos from was gracious enough to send along some better photos from his own private collection:



Portland Winter Hawks (WHL) '00-'01 Travis Mitchell
25th Anniv. Saturday jersey

(Collector: The Vaughn Street Collection)




Mobile Mysticks (ECHL) '99-'02 Josh Harrold "Margaritaville" jersey
(Collector: Hockey-Love.com)


A close-up view of the shoulder logo





Lubbock Cotton Kings (CHL) '03-'04 Jim Shepherd Halloween jersey
(Collector: schurla27)




Lubbock Cotton Kings Derek Holland "Hawaiian" jersey
(Collector: schurla27)
Circa '01-'04


Additionally, I've got a couple of photos of a San Francisco Spiders (IHL) tie-dye jersey, along with game socks (!), which need to be seen to be believed. The photos are from dropthepucks.com, but their web site has a severe-looking "nothing may be reproduced without written consent" warning on it. Since I'm not looking to incur anyone's wrath right now, I'll just link to the photos:

SF Spiders '95-'96 tie-dye jersey (front)

SF Spiders '95-'96 tie-dye jersey (back)

Well, maybe they won't get all pissed off if I show just a peek:



For a look at some more SF Spiders jerseys, check out HockeyJimm.com, which is one of the best private collector sites that I've seen. Luckily, nearly all of the collectors I've since had a chance to swap e-mails with, as a result of these jersey posts, have been very friendly and encouraging, and Jimm is one of those collectors. Jimm also passed along stories of a couple of "ugly jerseys" that I haven't been able to track down photos of yet: a Louisville Riverfrogs (ECHL) Christmas jersey from about 10 years ago that the players nearly refused to wear, finally settling on wearing the jerseys during the pre-game warmups; and a Columbus Chill (ECHL) "Sonny & Cher Night" jersey.

These are what the regular Columbus Chill jerseys looked like:



(Photos from betterimage.com)

I can only imagine how bad their specialty jerseys looked-- like Moose Skowron on a bad day, perhaps?

13 Comments:

Anonymous mrs. brushback said...

HA! That "Happy New Year" sweater cracks me up. Perhaps I just find it ironic that the message is sweet but the eagle looks like it wants to peck my eyeballs. They should've just put "Happy New Year, Bitches" on it.

I kind of think the blue and black Chill jerseys are pretty. They'd definitely bring out my eyes.

Hmmm, I'm noticing a theme here -- somehow my eyes are out in both scenarios. I've got to put down the Stephen King books, man.

12/6/06, 10:42 AM

 
Blogger gsdgsd13 said...

Has Syracuse ever had any jersey, regular or otherwise, that didn't look awful?

That Richmond "Spring" jersey may be the worst one you've posted yet. I'll have to go back and compare.

12/6/06, 7:39 PM

 
Blogger gsdgsd13 said...

Actually, giving a second look to the Lubbock "Hawaiian" jersey, it's also a candidate. Ugh.

12/6/06, 7:40 PM

 
Blogger Brushback said...

The spring-themed jersey may be the worst idea, but I think the Renegades' Christmas jersey is definitely the worst execution.

Try to picture in your mind a team of players hitting the ice, all with that jersey on... it's blood-curdling.

12/6/06, 9:08 PM

 
Blogger gsdgsd13 said...

I shivered involuntarily, actually. It'd have a definite psych-out effect -- the other team couldn't look directly at them.

12/6/06, 9:36 PM

 
Blogger Brushback said...

Really-- on the day the Richmond Renegades came out wearing the spring-themed jerseys, how did the team on the other side of the ice keep a straight face?

It would probably be like one of those SNL skits where everyone in the cast can't stop cracking up on-camera.

12/6/06, 9:51 PM

 
Blogger Doogie said...

Doesn't that Lizard Kings Halloween jersey look like it was sponsored by McDonald's?

12/8/06, 1:03 AM

 
Blogger Brushback said...

I wasn't sure at first, myself-- it looks vaguely like the arches, though what else could it be?-- but I think I've seen a different jersey that had a McDonald's patch on the shoulder as well as the "M"s on the bottom.

Not exactly effective advertising, in any case.

12/8/06, 10:13 AM

 
Anonymous caldercup0 said...

I'm not sure if this is the one you're referring to, but I know the Toronto Marlies have had McDonald's logos on their jerseys...

Link

12/8/06, 6:57 PM

 
Anonymous caldercup0 said...

Or, there's these ones from the Cincinnati Cyclones...

12/8/06, 6:59 PM

 
Blogger Brushback said...

Yeah, it was more like the Cyclones jersey, which has the arches as well as the patch...

I would've almost put that Cyclones jersey on the list of ugly jerseys, except that A) The Cyclones have never had even one good-looking jersey anyway, and B) The novelty jersey in the photo you just posted looks better than any of their everyday ones.

12/8/06, 8:11 PM

 
Anonymous Anonymous said...

You need to find Milwaulkee Admirals - Bob Uecker night jerseys. Those things were hideous! Can't remember if it was Quad City or Las Vegas - but someone did a "western sherriff" themed jersey that was extraordinarily ugly.

6/26/07, 10:28 AM

 
Blogger Brushback said...

The Bob Uecker Night jerseys and the sherrif jerseys are covered elsewhere in some other posts that I did...

7/26/10, 11:40 AM

 

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